{"id":150832,"date":"2025-03-11T17:49:55","date_gmt":"2025-03-11T16:49:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.apartamentomagazine.com\/?p=150832"},"modified":"2025-09-16T15:44:34","modified_gmt":"2025-09-16T13:44:34","slug":"more-stillness-thea-mclachlan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.apartamentomagazine.com\/stories\/more-stillness-thea-mclachlan\/","title":{"rendered":"More Stillness by Thea McLachlan"},"content":{"rendered":" \t\t
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\n\t\t\t\tTo access this post, you must purchase Apartamento Membership<\/a><\/span>.\t\t <\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\n
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\n\t\t\t\tTo access this post, you must purchase Apartamento Membership<\/a><\/span>.\t\t <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":16795,"featured_media":150878,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[49,47],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-150832","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-essay","category-video","text_author-thea-mclachlan","membership-content","access-restricted"],"acf":{"link_archive":false,"archive_story":null,"archive_bg":"#F5F4EE","archive_title_color":"#ffffff","cover_bg":"#F5F4EE","cover_title_color":"#f5f4ee","body_bg":"#f5f4ee","body_text_color":"#000000","body_captions_color":"#dd3333","related_bg":"#ffffff","related_text_color":"#000000","stories_bg":"#EDECEC","alternative_image":"","hover_image":"","credits":"","title_format":"hidden","font_size":"medium","image_format":"cover","hero_image_mobile":"","video":"","video_excerpt":"","video_format":"regular","content":[{"acf_fc_layout":"two_blocks","block_sizes":"half_40_60","content_type_left":"credits","image_size_left":"regular","image_left":null,"video_left_url":"","video_caption_left":"","video_left_type":false,"text_left":"","credit_image":142981,"credit_link_left":{"title":"Click here to order your copy!","url":"https:\/\/www.apartamentomagazine.com\/product\/issue-34\/","target":""},"content_type_right":"text","image_size_right":"regular","image_right":null,"video_right_url":"","video_caption_right":"","video_right_type":false,"text_right":"Originally published in\u00a0<\/em>Apartamento magazine issue #34<\/a><\/em>\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nAbove a gift shop for the British Museum and four flights up a stairwell carpeted in a scuffed regal blue reminiscent of an old hotel, following a lacquered handrail, after passing closed door after closed door, 80 stairs up, I arrive at Celia Paul\u2019s home and studio. Paul has lived here alone since 1982. Her home is restrained, yet full of paint (on the floors, in tubes, stuck to clothes, in the air). NO HIGHLIGHTS\u2026KEEP TONE DOWN is written in pencil on the wall.\r\n

Paul\u2019s Painter<\/i> (2022) is a self-portrait of the artist in her smock standing barefoot on a tube of paint, holding her paintbrush, and looking down. The painting holds a magic shared by the home she painted it in; both are heavy from the folds of her life. While she notes she tried to fill the room with someone else in earlier versions, it didn\u2019t work, so she painted over it. What remains is Paul, the wooden floor, drips of brown paint, and the crush of whooshing movement and stillness. In Painter<\/i>, she says she\u2019s \u2018confronted with a sea-like absence. The absence conveys loneliness which feels truer to my artistic life\u2019. <\/i><\/span><\/p>\r\n

Painter<\/i> responds to an artwork by Lucian Freud called Painter and Model<\/i> from the mid \u201880s in which Paul stands in a similar position but occupies the painting with a model, Angus Cook. In Paul\u2019s painting, she stands alone. <\/span><\/p>\r\n

<\/p>"},{"acf_fc_layout":"image","image_size":"regular","gallery":[160881]},{"acf_fc_layout":"text","text":"

In her biographical memoir Letters to Gwen John<\/i>, Paul wrote a series of imagined letters to the Welsh artist who painted at the end of the 19th and the start of the 20th centuries; she admires John\u2019s stillness, her recueillie: her sense of being withheld and withdrawn. Paul asks, \u2018How can I reconcile the opposite yearnings in myself? I want to have the freedom that solitude brings, but I often feel homesick for some unidentified \u201chome\u201d\u2019. Stillness sits at the core of Paul\u2019s life. It\u2019s what she looks for too in the art she most cherishes. \u2018Even in wildly painted paintings\u2014like Constable\u2019s Leaping Horse<\/i>, for example\u2014there\u2019s a stillness that holds the whole thing together so that\u2014even though it\u2019s brimming with energy\u2014the energy isn\u2019t dispersed or lost\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

Paul speaks calmly, deliberately, with breaks, pressing her lips together in thought. In her home, books are stacked beneath coats hung by the door. There\u2019s a kitchen she doesn\u2019t cook in and a room that her models sit in with a chaise lounge, bed, and chair bracketing the corners of the maroon floor. There\u2019s another room for painting, with globs of paint stuck to the floor like chewing gum. \u2018Throughout the thirty-eight years I have lived here I have kept this space as inhospitable as possible in order to ward off any potential intrusion\u2019. <\/span><\/p>\r\n

Paul doesn\u2019t allow photography of her studio anymore unless it\u2019s for press for an upcoming show. \u2018Photographers go wild about my studio with its paint rags and paint-splattered floorboards. \u2026 [They] forget that this is my private space to work\u2019. In being photographed, there\u2019s a danger that the functionality of Paul\u2019s practice and studio (a simple, bare room, in which she wears her painting overalls) could be transformed into an aesthetic to be fetishised, something curated and removed from the practicality built into Paul\u2019s life.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

Lucian Freud bought the flat for her in 1982, but she has always lived here alone, demanding, imposing her privacy. Freud never had a key. Her late husband, Steven Kupfer, didn\u2019t receive one either. Paul has felt a tension between the calm stillness that she needs to paint and a craving for warmth and love. From Letters to Gwen John<\/i>: \u2018I have been conflicted and nearly torn apart by opposite desires: between loving and being loved, or by being alone. I have had to be ruthless about keeping my space to myself, but the barriers that I have put up between myself and the outside world have never been as secure as yours\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\r\n "},{"acf_fc_layout":"video","video":"https:\/\/vz-a6a6cda4-492.b-cdn.net\/e557ab76-25c9-474d-9f4d-406e908eac8f\/play_720p.mp4","video_caption":""},{"acf_fc_layout":"text","text":"

Painter<\/i> shows this despair over choosing. In Paul\u2019s work, there is an unromantic sensibility, a frustration at her need to hold life back from bleeding into the art. There\u2019s fear at the risk of distraction. There\u2019s sacrifice. Writing about herself and John, Paul says, \u2018Because she and I are so solitary, the emotions we feel on discovering these rare unions is distilled to an almost unbearable intensity, which our fear of being taken over, and intruded upon, only adds to\u2019. I\u2019m reminded of Alice Notley\u2019s description of the heart as sheer, a thinness that feels like a lover\u2019s warmth through sheets, a delicateness that calls for protection like the boundaries we scaffold around our lives. <\/span><\/p>\r\n

The street where Paul lives and works is discordantly busy, full of frazzled families queuing, lost, looking. Yet her studio holds a hush that, upon entering, doesn\u2019t make sense. It jars. Those who sit for her do so in silence. She works, too, in silence. She tells me about the corner of the room where her sitters sit, next to the window. \u2018This corner holds the stillness of absence\/presence in a way that\u2019s difficult to describe and affects the paintings I\u2019m doing now\u2014not in any obvious way\u2014but just the memory of their dedication to sitting is empowering\u2019. Every now and then the flotsam of noises of the street will wander up to her home. Paul adds: \u2018I\u2019ve got used to\u2014and quite like\u2014the accordion player who I can sometimes hear further down the street\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

In Painter<\/i>, <\/i>there\u2019s the rushing swirls of paint on the wall\u2014paint dripping down behind her\u2014the floor restless\u2014Paul, balanced, collected. When Paul\u2019s son, Frank, was born, he went to live with Paul\u2019s mother. This felt for Paul both necessary, in that it allowed her to continue to focus and paint, and heartbreaking because it limited the care and love she offered. In an introduction to one of her shows, Frank said: \u2018One might conclude \u2026 that my mum is an entirely self-subsistent person, yet she feels separation keenly, as well as a deep guilt that her need for solitude precludes her from being as hospitable as she would like to be\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

At the Slade, where Paul studied painting, she struggled with the task of painting accurately. She preferred to paint those who she knew well: her sisters, her mother. Paul doesn\u2019t need to stare at the model, or brood at them. She paints, instead, her visions of the person before her. In an introduction for a catalogue of her work, the writer Hilton Als writes: \u2018Celia Paul\u2019s palette starts behind the face\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

Painter <\/i>plays with presence and absence; the mixing of deliberate lines with drips and twirling strokes makes me think about what the artist wants to reveal, what they want to bring to flesh and paint firmly, and what they want to blend, to smudge. Painter<\/i> is about Paul claiming life.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

Her son is grown up now, and they are very close. They speak every day on the phone. She\u2019s about to go on holiday with him and his family. \u2018Now, I don\u2019t fear interruptions as if they might be the end of the world, like I\u00a0used to when I had to fight for my time alone in my studio\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\r\n

There is, in Paul\u2019s sense of herself, a wonderful belief in the continuity of her spirit. In her memoir, Self-Portrait<\/i>, she writes: <\/i>\u2018I have always been, and I remain at nearly sixty, the same person I was as a teenager. \u2026 This simple realisation seems to me to be profoundly liberating\u2019. Paul writes about her life in Self-Portrait<\/i> as an act of rendering sharp its edges, owning herself as someone who exists in her own image, rather than one put forward by others. Stories collide, and reception can be glitchy. Like writing, painting offers Paul a process, a method for building her own image through brushstrokes. Her self-portraits are about perceiving the contours of herself and expressing to the world what that self is. When I meet her, she shows me another self-portrait in progress. She says she wants to paint it again. Again, this time with more stillness.<\/span><\/p>\r\n "},{"acf_fc_layout":"quote","quote":"","caption":""}],"related_text":"","issue":"","button_text":""},"yoast_head":"\nMore Stillness by Thea McLachlan — Apartamento Magazine<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"More Stillness by Thea McLachlan for Apartamento issue #34\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.apartamentomagazine.com\/stories\/more-stillness-thea-mclachlan\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_GB\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"More Stillness by Thea McLachlan — Apartamento Magazine\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"More Stillness by Thea McLachlan for Apartamento issue #34\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" 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